The Hardcore Review; Vampirella NuBlood

Today’s review dates back probably several thousand years depending upon the origin you may or may not have heard. Possibly hailing from the planet of Drakulon, weighing in at 120 pounds soaked in blood, Vampirella! The former founding member of the “Bad Girl” movement of the early and mid 1990′s is alive and well at Dynamite Comics. Although I hesitate to say, this is not one of her best outings. This one shot is entitled, Vampirella: Nublood, and from what I can muster from takes place in New Orleans, which according to the story is inhabited by creatures of the night who are mostly low rent. Vampi, who has begun shacking up with a mortal who doesn’t seem to mind his girl friend’s dietary habits, who can’t seem to leave the curvy blood sucker’s side. And while Vampirella serves up tasty vittles at a red neck Hooters-like restaurant (you know, where the waitresses wear skin tight clothing and have almost no real personality traits), a new drink has taken the citizens by storm. You’d think the residents of New Orleans would try to avoid storms….. what, too soon? V begins drinking NuBlood and says it’s actually better than human blood, although it only seems to make her thirstier.

Cover to Vampirella NuBlood

Vampirella and her boy toy get invited to a creatures of the night shindig at some douche-bags place, where Vampi feels totally comfortable wearing her barely there, classic, red one piece, thong back. Cause that’s how most women who are completely secure in their physical appearance dress when they attend some night life event. All I remember is that the douchey guy, tries schmoozing Vampi into the sack, and her scrawny boyfriend just sits there and takes it. That’s the douche on the cover with Vampi.

Vampi serving up a tasty dish

After that, V and her guy are walking in the French Quarter (I think) in the middle of the night, and there’s barely anyone anywhere. Maybe the artist didn’t feel like drawing backgrounds or something. Or maybe the script called for the streets being barren. All of a sudden, a fight breaks out behind the happy couple between a group of suck heads for the last six pack of NuBlood. Naturally, V and whatever that guy’s name is, investigate. Leading them to a plantation-like, turn of the 20th Century farmhouse where NuBlood is being manufactured. Hilarity and blood letting ensue as (*cue stereotypical vampire movie plot line) something oddly familiar happens.

a more widescreen look at the artwork at it’s best

For me, there was plenty not to like about this book. The dialog was trite. The artwork was Okay, but not great. It kind of reminded me of a rough Greg Land. It wasn’t Land, but had it been, I’d love to know where he got the photo references of people hanging upside down and being bled out. That, and Vampirella’s costume really bothered me. Cause if it’s a swimsuit style outfit it would not hug the underside of her breasts, as if it had been painted on.
The upsides, the end of the one shot featured a short story with artwork done by the legendary Bruce Timm. The other upside is, Vampirella, who still appears to be too much of a “Bad Girl” has lived to see another decade. If you’re a Vampirella completest, you’re gonna want this book. Or if you like, B movie level horror comics, this IS your bag. You’ll MST3K all the way through it. If you’re only in the market for something cutting edge in terms of story and not laden with stereotypes or cliches, you’re gonna wanna pass on this title.

The Bruce Timm illustrated short story included with this one shot

My grade for this one shot, is a classic moment that sparked the first ever “negative” chant from ECW fans in the hallowed dwelling known as the ECW Arena in South Philadelphia. J.T. Smith, a home grown wrestler in ECW, who was the fan’s go to guy and the one they loved to cheer, slipped off the top rope and tumbled to the cold, hard and dirty concrete floor beneath the ring. Smith cracked his head on the pavement, and the crowd erupted in the first ever chant of “YOU F***ED UP!” A classic moment to be sure, but something I am certain, like this comic, J.T. Smith wishes had never happened.

J.T. Smith in his ECW days