The Hardcore Review; The Greatest Comic Book Movie Ever? SPOILERS

So, after WEEKS of delays, your’s truly friggin’ FINALLY got to go see Amazing Spider-Man. Along side my hetero life mate and sidekick, Agnew, my ace boom coon, Scud and armed with a backpack loaded with contraband sodas (even more so cause they were generic) we headed to the Harkins.

The previews were pretty sweet, although are you seriously remaking Total Recall with Colin Ferrel as the star? The Dark Knight Rises preview was pretty sweet. Although, Christian Bale still looks completely ridiculous as Batman. His facial expressions scream “confusion.” And this preview didn’t even show Catwoman. But, some things have to happen. I’m still looking forward to it…. Now onto matters at hand.

Poster for the greatest comic book movie of all time

This was possibly the Summer’s best movie, and the single greatest comic book movie EVER MADE! Take that Avengers!

I would give this flick a very solid A. All around. I mean it had everything you love about Spider-Man. And going in, I had no idea who the hell Andrew Garfield was. And other than Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy, I had no clue about the rest of the cast. But seeing them up on screen, was pure magic. Garfield brought that quirky awkward high schooler to life. He was able to go places that Tobey Maguire never even came close too. And keep in mind I was PISSED when I first found out about the reboot. Why reboot a franchise that worked on so many levels, other than number 3, which I’ll pretend never happened? But Spider-Man 2, up to this point was the best comic book movie ever. So why not keep the single greatest comic book movie ever made in the same franchise?

And they totally did. The CGI is completely believable, with the exception of the Lizard. I hated that they made him speak in his Lizard form. I thought that was pretty hokey.

Garfield as Parker/Spider-Man

Garfield’s Peter Parker was possibly the best aspect to his portrayal of the duality of Peter and Spider-Man. While Maguire was cool as Spidey, he was way too awkward as Parker. The action was intense, and I love that they made Peter a viable scientific genius.

From the mundane of him knowing how to diagnose a problem with the freezer in the basement, to understanding his father’s algorithms. And Sam Raimi said no one would believe a high school kid could build web shooters. C’mon, each generation is getting smarter and smarter, with the advent of new technologies.

I won’t go into how they’re also becoming less emotionally attached to the real world and dumber in some ways.

Stone + Garfieldhemistry

Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy had me so excited, in more than one way. She WAS Gwen. She even wore the freaking Go-Go boots. I loved that. And she was super smart. There’s nothing hotter than a girl you’re physically attracted to who’s also smart. And Stone pulled it off, with style.

There’s nothing not to like about Emma Stone’s portrayal of the classic Spider-Man femme fatale. She provided the support Peter needed, while remaining her own person. And the way she was still a heroine was perfect. That’s what’s been missing from comic book movies. She was a strong female lead, without having super powers or being military trained. That’s so important with the construction of female characters. Especially in comic book movies. Kristen Dunst’s Mary Jane Watson could not come close to Emma’s Gwen. It just wasn’t going to happen.

The amazing Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy

Amazing Spider-Man has me so glad I work in this business. It gave a fresh breath to the new generation of super hero and comic book movies. Sure there were parts I didn’t like. For instance, the talking Lizard. I mean, if you became a human reptile, wouldn’t your brain case shrink? Wouldn’t you become more instinctive and less logical? That should have been a part of the story.

I also disliked the whole city getting behind Spidey. The crane sequence was not one of my favorite parts. Mostly due to the adding of the freaking flag. And I know there are patriotic people out there, but c’mon, Spider-Man is the ultimate hard luck case. That’s why people love him. After saving the city for the millionth time, he goes home to an empty apartment, with no food in the fridge and no money in his bank account and has to fix his costume.

So many people can relate to that. Hardly anyone can relate to going home to a mansion with a butler who sews you up, fixes your tea and turns down your bed. Spider-Man is the every man. He’s the common man hero. He’s like freaking Dusty Rhodes for crying out loud. I mean his Uncle Ben was a blue collar guy who had a union job. That’s what makes Spidey such a great character. He comes from completely humble roots and he still strives to do something to benefit mankind.

There is little else at fault with this movie. I mean, the single best part had nothing to do with spandex (that was another great gag), it had to do with human interaction. When Peter gets busted at school for schooling Flash Thompson, he tries to make a date with Gwen Stacy. And the way they fumbled around each other was fantastic. I turned to Scud and said, “I’m 34 and that’s me!” It was so true to life. And I gotta say, even though I completely forgot about Spider-Man’s wrestling background, I was super stoked when he fell into the old wrestling arena, complete with the lucha libre posters that helped inspire his costume. It was a great tribute to the origin story in Amazing Fantasy #15.

And that’s another thing, the Steve Ditko style eyes made me so freaking happy. You have no idea how hard it is to not be typing exlatives while typing this, especially cause I’m on my fourth PBR while writing this. You may ask yourself, “how does one write without so many more spelling and grammatical errors while drunk?” The answer my friends is this, I have journalism in my blood. I won’t also go into the alcoholism.

And let’s get to the fact that they didn’t kill of the villain as in the first two Raimi vehicles. Doctor Connors is serving time (and no doubt will be out sooner than later, due to the ever present over crowding of American prisons. Let’s let out the violent criminals and let the drug dealers and users rot in a cell. Why? Cause we’re America damnit! We wanna portray drugs as wrong, unless there’s a commercial for their pharmaceutical provider. And if you’re violent, you truly are American, so you can go free too, with our apologies.) So we have the future to look forward to.

I mean, I know as well as you, that Curt Connors won’t be back anytime soon. But it’s nice to know that he’s still alive. The fact that Connors worked for Oscorp leads one to imagine how they plan to bring the Green Goblin into things. I have so much hope for somic book movies right now. And yes I am drunk, so if you don’t understand, perhaps you should have a few too and might also comprehend.

The sky is the limit with Spider-Man. His rogue’s gallery is arguably the best in comics. Him and Batman battle it out for first place. Once I watch that flick, I’ll give my buck fifty on it. I can’t wait to see the revived Goblin or Doc Ock. Think about the other characters who might be a part of the new generation.

The final shot!

It’s been ten years since the first Spider-Man and this reboot WORKED! ON EVERY LEVEL! The 3D I could take or leave. I’ve only ever seen Avatar in 3D in theaters, and those of you who know me, know I hate 3D as a sales gimmick. Cause that’s all it it, a gimmick. It should not be used to boost the box office. If you have to rely on 3D to make back your budget, your movie won’t work.

I went to school for graphic design and animation, and as my instructors told us, your design needs to be able to work in black and white. Color should not be the thing that makes it work. If that’s the case, then it’s not a solid design. I agree in the form of 2D versus 3D. If it doesn’t work in 2D, 3D can’t save it. And in the case of the Marvel movies of the last few years, it hasn’t been the case. They’ve all worked in 2D. Mostly cause I’m cheap and I refuse to pay the extra 5 bucks to see it in 3D. But that’s also the designer in me.

Or at least that’s what I whisper to my debit card when I pay to see movies.

Corino cutting a promo on Laurie and Tyler Fullington

So, how does the first post Marvel Studios, non Marvel Studios film hold up? What grade does it make?

For those of you who may be reading the Hardcore Review for the very first time, lemme run it down for you. I don’t give thumbs up or down. I don’t give stars or letter grades, in spite of previously stating this movie gets a solid A. No, what I give as a grade are moments in wrestling history. The more classic, violent, bloody, comedic, amazingly delivered promo et all, the more I highly recommend whatever I happen to be reviewing.

Today, the grade isn’t a match or a maneuver, it’s a promo. Cut from the mouth of “god” himself, Steve Corino. The opening match of ECW’s Living Dangerously 2000, Cornino, accompanied by Jack Victory was set to battle, in a bloody “Bull Rope” match, “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes. But while mocking the crowd in Danbury, Connecticut, Corino spotted the Sandman’s wife and children. In less than 30 seconds, Corino punked out both Laurie and Tyler Fullington (the Sandman’s son) by saying and I quote (as best I can cause I’m on PBR 5), “Shut up ya little bastard. The Sandman’s not even your real dad.” And, “Laurie, I think I’m the only guy (in the locker room) you haven’t put over.” Corino is the master of the heel promo. And he delivered on all counts.